Written by: Laura Piuca- Hinkes, MSW, LCSW
Most parents expect that their ADHD child will have academic difficulties due to their disorder. However, school is an important part of a child’s life for finding friends and developing social skills. Very often the ADHD child has problems in this area as far as making friends and behaving appropriately with other students at school.
ADHD children have trouble reading social cues. They don’t always recognize facial expressions or tone of voice so they don’t see that they are annoying or irritating others. Because of this they persist with the behavior and then are at a loss as to why the other kids don’t like them.
The impulsive nature of ADHD children can wreak havoc on their social relationships. They often seem to have no filter and blurt out whatever comes to mind without considering how it will affect others. They tend to talk a lot which irritates others and disrupts the class. They can get caught up in a behavior such as teasing and not be able to stop. ADHD kids can find conflict stimulating and are drawn to that kind of interaction. They have difficulty with games because of their attention and focus difficulties. They may have missed part of the rules or jump ahead in their turn because they lose track of what’s going on. All of this can result in them having negative social experiences.
If the child has experienced rejection in the social arena or feels that they always being singled out for discipline because of their social difficulties that can result in low self esteem. The child then tends to only see the negative and ignore the positive. They may refuse to try new activities because they assume they will hate it or they’re going to fail at it. The child may just give up on relationships because they have had so many failures and this results in isolation which no parent wants for their child.
As a parent there are activities you can do at home that will provide social skills training for your ADHD child.
Active Listening. Listening is an important part of communication and is necessary in order to follow directions properly. To teach active listening say something to your child and have them repeat it back. Have them do this several times till they get it right. This activity helps them to focus on the other person. You can make the activity fun so they’ll be eager to participate. Also, games like Simon Says and Red Light, Green Light help teach younger kids to follow directions.
Facial Charades. This game can teach kids about social interactions and appropriate behavior. Write down different feelings (angry, sad, embarrassed, etc.) on a slip of paper and fold them up and place in a container. The participants pick a feeling and act it out. Help them to focus on using facial expressions to demonstrate the feeling. You can also use pictures from magazines or interactions you see on TV to teach them about social interactions. Ask them questions about what emotions they think the people are experiencing. How are the others responding? What would you do if you were them?
Play Dates. Your child needs opportunities to practice social skills. Encourage your child to have kids over. This way you can witness their interactions first hand and intervene before there is a problem. You can use what you see as a way to teach them better ways of interacting with friends. Role play with them as a way to have to have them practice these skills.
Opportunities for Success. Search for areas that your child feels competent in such as sports, music, art, etc. Involvement in these activities will boost their self-esteem. They will have a better chance of getting along with others if they like what they are doing and feel positive about the experience.
You may want to consider counseling for a child who is having difficulties socially. It may be easier for the child to work with a person who is impartial and has specialized training in this area.
Keep in mind that your ADHD child is not doing these behaviors on purpose. Working with them on their social skills will show them you are invested in their success and you’re on their team.
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